Posted by Amanda Gray on March 11, 2013
Where does inspiration come from?
Have you ever thought to ask?
Yesterday, I rearranged a few things in the store where I work. Inspiration struck me an hour before the end of my shift, and even as I finished the arrangement, I knew the idea wasn’t entirely complete. Perhaps my co-worker would add to it and make it better. Or perhaps we could discuss the idea the next day and discover where to go with it. Yet, as I walked home, I felt that it was more likely the changes would be disapproved and my work would be changed back. It was just a question of how long it would take.
This morning I arrived for my shift and it was already reversed. My idea didn’t even live a day before it was killed! Squashed like a bug before it even had a chance to breathe! AAARGH!
It was funny, because I knew it would happen. Yet, at the same time, I was angry and hurt. I blamed my co-worker. I wanted to point out how, regularly, I’d compliment her ideas, and even when I didn’t entirely appreciate her contribution, I wouldn’t consider invalidating her creativity by (how RUDE!) reversing her work! Still, as a student of A Course in Miracles, I eventually opened my mind and asked to see the situation differently.
Since it was an ‘idea’ that I thought was rejected, I asked, is the idea MINE? Do I POSSESS this thing called an ‘idea’? Where did the idea come from? Did I make it? The idea came from inspiration… where does ‘inspiration’ come from? Did I make that?
I had to laugh. No, of course I don’t make inspiration. God makes inspiration. That’s why God is Cause and why I’m an effect. I receive inspiration and act on it. Is it up to me what happens after I act on an inspiration? Does it matter if my co-worker dislikes it? Is it up to me what the outcome is? Do I know what God planned when the inspiration was given? Do I think I’m ‘specially’ valued by God (the Authority) when an inspiration is bestowed upon me? Do I think I’m devalued if a ‘special’ inspiration is bestowed upon someone else?
By invalidating my idea, I felt that my co-worker was invalidating ‘me’. That I’m not welcome to participate in the store and that she doesn’t care about me. Hmmm… this thought of “others not caring about me” has been a common theme lately, particularly when it’s an ‘authority’ (she’s an elder) who doesn’t seem to care.
If I want an authority figure to care, what I really want is for the ultimate Authority, God, to care. And to SHOW me He cares. How? By treating me SPECIAL. I want to be loved SPECIALLY. Could an all loving God love anyone SPECIALLY? My studies say that God loves all EQUALLY. Yet my mind – being what the personal mind is, swinging always between extremes – thinks, “Well, if You won’t love me specially, then I must be totally unlovable.”
… and thus, I create a witness to my belief who will treat me carelessly (my co-worker). So I can justify my unlovable belief and be RIGHT. So I can make someone else the bad guy. What? Who me? No, I didn’t think of myself as unlovable – it was HER!
The co-worker’s rejection of my idea, as a rejection of ‘me’, is much like how I’ve rejected my Self. Specifically, the parts of my Self that I don’t like… like ideas I’ve had in the past that were BAD ideas. Am I an idea? How can I expect to be a whole, lovable being, if I’m constantly dividing myself into parts!? This part’s good, and lovable, but this part’s bad, and unlovable. Geesh! Nuts!
Also, if I think others aren’t caring about me, am I caring about them? Is one lovable, while another one isn’t? Is one only lovable when they do something particular to show me they’re worthy of my appreciation? By what standard do I judge that?
These are important questions.
This entry was posted on March 11, 2013 at 11:00 pm and is filed under Creative Expression. Tagged: A Course in Miracles, ACIM, authority, care, careless, change, creativity, division, forgiveness, God, inspiration, invalidation, love, mine, possess, rejection, special, Universe, unknown, unloveable, unworthy, worthy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
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