Posted by Amanda Gray on March 14, 2012
This morning, I’m on crack. Not literally. I only use that phrase to describe a quality of feeling. The ideas that came to me this morning are so out-of-the-box that they induce a feeling that’s sort-of like intoxication. The revelations are so ephemeral, so “slippery”, that the mind can’t grasp them, and so it’s orientation becomes rather “spacey”.
I’m just going to write how it came to me, and you can make heads or tails of it as you like.
I began on page 312 of the Text of A Course in Miracles, The Holy Instant and Special Relationships. It says:
The holy instant is the Holy Spirit’s most useful learning device for teaching you love’s meaning. For it’s purpose is to suspend judgement entirely. Judgement always rests on the past, for past experience is the basis on which you judge. Judgement becomes impossible without the past, for without it you do not understand anything. You would make no attempt to judge, because it would be quite apparent to you that you do not understand what anything means. You are afraid of this because you believe that without the ego, all would be chaos. Yet I assure you that without the ego, all would be love.
The past is the ego’s chief learning device, for it is in the past that you learned to define your own needs and acquired methods for meeting them on your own terms.
I saw this as the way in which I create boundaries. For example, I’ll give another this much cake, but not that much cake. Then, the lesson goes on to say:
Yet you had judged against yourself first, or you would never have imagined that you needed your brothers as they were not. Unless you had seen yourself without love, you could not have judged them so like you in lack.
Then, to the next section on page 314, The Holy Instant and the Laws of God:
You have so little faith in yourself because you are unwilling to accept the fact that perfect love is in you. And so you seek without for what you cannot find without.
God is an idea.
In the holy instant you recognize the idea of love in you, and unite this idea with the Mind that thought it, and could not relinquish it.
Then I began to write about my experience:
I judge the ego/body of myself, guilt arises, then I project the guilt and judge the ego/body of another. I’m believing that because I’m sometimes selfish or annoyed, etc., that it makes me weak or incomplete. That I somehow need to fix myself, or another. I’m believing that the presence of selfishness casts out the presence of perfect love/God. But what if these IDEAS can and do co-exist? It’s only my DECISION to make “selfishness” a “bad” thing and keep it separate from “love” which is a “good” thing. I’m creating these arbitrary boundaries because I think I know something about what’s good & bad, what’s ego & Self. HA!
I can have an IDEA that I’m a person, separate from other people, and project that idea into physical form to give it some authority of reality. Yet, if “ideas leave not their source“, then the projection can’t be ”real”. It just seems so, especially if I keep choosing that idea over another idea – perhaps this – that we’re all created by and out of LOVE, so that we’re not separate “people” at all. And if that idea comes from God, then it hasn’t left its source and we’re all still IN God. If “God” and “me” and “you” are all, simply, IDEAS, then we’re all the SAME. There’s nothing to JUDGE between!
I create separation and boundaries by judging ideas. In improv theatre, it’s called “blocking.” Improv becomes very difficult if someone rejects ideas offered by their team-mates. The flow of the improv is interrupted and the audience feels disappointed when an idea isn’t followed through. As I’ve personally experienced, it’s also internally disruptive and feels terribly awkward. Back then, I didn’t understand what was going wrong. In fact, I just blamed my team-mate for doing a bad job.
Here, now I also understand the Course lesson, “I do not know what anything, including this, means.” It’s because when I use judgement to arbitrarily separate ideas into categories of “good” and “bad”, accepting some and rejecting others, this only separates me from source. If I see it, instead, that I don’t know what these ideas MEAN, then I don’t attempt to categorize, I can just accept them all. Perfect love means perfect acceptance. If I accept that perfect love is within me, even when I’m feeling greedy or arrogant or angry, then I can accept the truth in the moment, however it arises, and STILL welcome it with LOVE. In myself, or in another.
The Course says, on page 316:
In the holy instant God is remembered, and the language of communication with all your brothers is remembered with Him. For communication is remembered together, as is truth. There is no exclusion in the holy instant because the past is gone, and with it goes the whole basis for exclusion. Without its source exclusion vanishes. And this permits your Source, and that of all your brothers, to replace it in your awareness. God and the power of God will take Their rightful place in you, and you will experience the full communication of ideas with ideas. Through your ability to do this you will learn what you must be, for you will begin to understand what your Creator is, and what His creation is along with Him.
Ok… too slippery. Too much… have to stop thinking about it now.
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